my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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