I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
