I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
