My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
