cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
