Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
