So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
