Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
