haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
