i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
