I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
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My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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