i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
