i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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