I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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