man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
