My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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