Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
