is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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