im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
