4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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