We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
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I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize