Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
