Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
