Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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