We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
