Well douche your snatch and let's go!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
