erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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