Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
