that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
