She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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