OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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