i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
