yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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