What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
