what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A+ Viking dick
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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