god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
