Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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