Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Vodka?
Forever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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