I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
