before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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