we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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