Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
