please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
