she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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