do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
