i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
