My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
