video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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