sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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