I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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