Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
