Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
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I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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